You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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