some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
