i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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