I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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