Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
