I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
