guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
