Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
