allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
