I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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