I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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