A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
