i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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