First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
