my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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