Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
