it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
