what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
