I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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