Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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