She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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