You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
