I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
