Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
