remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
