im drinking this country out of the recession.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
