yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
