I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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