i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
