hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
