YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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