People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
