I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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