He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
