Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
