I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
