Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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