Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
