Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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