But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
