Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
