I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he thought i was a dude.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Alive.
So much puke
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
