I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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