Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
