I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
