Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm both gender and math confused
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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