O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
