i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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