So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
