hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
