Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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