There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
