so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize