I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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