And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
