Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
