Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
