Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
