I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
