Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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