we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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