I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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