and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
