having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize