i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
