She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
