Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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