i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
