I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
