I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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