It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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