Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
