i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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