So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize